Is honesty always the best policy?

 

Have
you told a lie today? Most of us are always telling our children to be honest and not to tell lies and yet sometimes we can find ourselves not only failing to practice what we preach but also involving them in our deception.

Is it fair to tell them it is ok to lie sometimes? It will undoubtedly be a topic of conversation as they get older when they realise the lies we may have told them; whether about Father Christmas or a protective lie about a much more serious issue that we feel more than justified in telling.

How can we distinguish between what is an acceptable lie of what degree of lying can be vindicated? It is difficult to righteously argue that it is okay to lie under certain circumstances because who then sets the bar?

I think it is safe to say most of us lie even if only occasionally and even safer to say we have all lied at some point in our lives. Yet most of us also consider ourselves honest because we measure them as only small lies or ones we think don’t really count or matter. Why is that?

Generally we lie to obtain the benefit of protection in various areas of our lives. For ourselves internally, we may lie to avoid suffering painful consequences, shame, conflict and embarrassment.

Externally, we lie for attention and material gain. To keep others perceptions of us favourable and to maintain an image that is respectable. We may lie to hide when we act in less reputable ways; ensuring that we appear more courageous or virtuous than we actually are.

Our time and energy are precious to us and we can lie to avoid the spending of either in ways which we are not going to enjoy, so we will lie to avoid admitting to people how we would rather spend it. Possibly the most common, and one which we may find easy to justify, is lying to save the feelings of others. Simply offering an opinion that will make others feel better about themselves.

Whichever way we look at these reasons, there is gain for the person telling the lie and we should be aware of this when we sometimes fool ourselves we are only doing it for another person’s sake. We do not want to be the person who hurts another especially when we care about them, but the reality is that we also gain in that situation because we avoid doing so by lying.

But what if we lie to protect the physical wellbeing of a person? I cannot imagine many people condemning a lie that protects the safety of another person. What then is the difference between protecting someone emotionally and physically? We will all make those decisions on what is relevant to ourselves and significant others at any given time. Does that give us licence to lie in any situation we feel fit if we are clever enough to find a good enough reason?

When we lie to protect someone from a wrong we ourselves have done them we run a great risk; if a loved one discovers you are lying (which is a very likely outcome) it could turn out a thousand times worse. “I’m sorry” can carry sentiment to an injured party but in some situations it cannot heal rifts or set things back to how they were before the deception. If someone finds out that you have lied to them, they may never be able to fully trust you again.

Is it really worth telling an unnecessary lie to save face and risk being found out and unmasked as a liar? I suppose it depends on how you want to be viewed and how comfortable you are living as it would damage reputation and also affect the trust people will place in us. A small lie can often escalate and become out of control, causing so much more damage than the truth would have in the first place.

Before you tell another lie stop and think who is really benefitting and in the long term is it for the best. Consider how everyone involved will feel when the truth emerges and ask yourself why you feel it necessary to lie.

I am not condemning lying, it is not my place to judge anyone, only asking that you take a good look at the practice many fall into a habit of doing for little reason and that you are at least honest with yourself about the reason.