A mother’s Christmas marked by loss, caregiving and survival

By LaWanda McAllister

For Bibi Shanaz Khan, Christmas was once a season associated with family and faith but became, nearly three years ago, a marker of tragedy, long nights, and survival. This year, the season arrives with an added layer of pain. It is the first Christmas she faces without her son, Matthew Zaman, and she does so while still recovering from a stroke she suffered weeks after his death.

“This is the hard time. Around Christmas time is the hard time,” Khan said. “During Christmas time is the hard time, because it was when we had the accident; it was the 18th of December.”

Matthew’s life, and that of his family, was altered just days before Christmas when he was struck by a minibus outside their home at Felicity, Railway Embankment, East Coast Demerara. He was rushed to the Georgetown Public Hospital Corporation, where he remained in the Intensive Care Unit for more than a month.

Doctors later confirmed that the child had suffered a fractured skull that caused swelling of the brain, serious damage to his lungs, and a spinal injury that left him paralysed. When he was eventually discharged, Matthew could not speak, could not move his hands or legs, and could not breathe independently. He relied on a nasal cannula for oxygen and required constant monitoring.

The transition from hospital to home marked the beginning of a new reality for Khan, a single mother of eight. She was forced to leave her job to care for her son full time. From that moment, her life revolved entirely around Matthew’s survival.

For nearly three years, Matthew’s condition remained largely unchanged. He required round-the-clock care, including feeding every two hours, constant repositioning, and careful monitoring of his breathing and pain.

“You don’t know when it’s sleeping, you don’t know when it’s nighttime, when it’s daytime. It’s a routine, it’s a work, it’s a job we got to do,” Khan said.

Holidays passed quietly in the Khan household. Christmas, in particular, carried a heavy meaning. It was a reminder of the accident and the life the family had lost. There were no decorations and no celebrations.

“And we always remember, we never get the Christmas, and we never keep up for Christmas,” she said.

While caring for Matthew, Khan received occasional assistance from charitable organisations and members of the public, but the responsibility of his daily care fell almost entirely on her shoulders. The demands increased as time went on, especially in Matthew’s final months, when his condition became more fragile.

Emotional weight

Following the accident, the driver of the minibus involved was charged with dangerous driving and sentenced to 12 months’ imprisonment. However, the matter did not bring a sense of justice or closure to the family. The driver later appealed the conviction and was freed, while Matthew remained confined to his bed, dependent on others for every aspect of life.

For Khan, the legal outcome did little to ease the emotional weight of watching her son suffer day after day. Years later, the driver was killed in a vehicular accident on the East Coast corridor.

As Matthew’s health declined, the intensity of his care increased. Khan and her daughter remained on constant alert, responding to his needs at all hours.

However, on Wednesday, July 9, nearly eight years after the accident, the now 15-year-old Matthew died at his Felicity, East Coast Demerara, home.

According to Khan, on the day in question, after completing her usual routine of cleaning and feeding her son, she stepped outside around 07:00 to water her plants.

“A sudden feeling told me to go back inside,” Khan recalled to Guyana Times. “When I did, I saw his eyes rolling backward in his head. I immediately called for help, and my daughter rushed in, and Matthew started staring blankly at me before closing his eye,” she said.

“The way that he passed, the way that he was in bed… when he passed out, I became so stressed,” she recalled. “Me and my daughter, we’ve got to get up 24-7. Every two hours, he had to be fed. Every change in his condition required immediate attention. Every two hours, we feed,” she said. “We had to pay more attention to him.”

For Khan, the loss was not followed by rest or recovery.

About a month after her son’s funeral, Khan suffered a stroke. According to her, it was difficult, and she frequently paused to gather her thoughts.

“I fell sick a month ago. I wake up every two hours, thinking I have to feed him and take care of him,” she said.

She explained that the stroke affected her mobility and speech, making it hard for words to come out clearly.

“I am going to therapy… I stopped for the holiday and will be going back in the new year. If two words come out, some don’t come out or come out properly,” she said sadly.

Khan believes the years of stress and emotional strain from caring for Matthew contributed to her illness.

“Well, this is exactly what happened. It was after he died; I was stressed. When I was taken to the hospital, the doctor told me I was stressed because my blood pressure went up very high and gave me a stroke,” she said.

For nearly eight years, Khan’s identity was shaped by caregiving. Every decision, every movement, every hour of the day was dictated by her son’s needs. Now, that routine is gone, leaving behind habits she still struggles to break and a silence that feels unnatural.

“Well, but I miss him so much, and still now I take him on. His room and everything is there, and sometimes I forget that he passed,” she said. “But there’s nothing I could do. I am just praying that God grants him eternal rest. This Christmas and every other Christmas will never be the same because Mathew is not here and I am now sick,” she explained.

Khan is now focused on her own recovery. She attends therapy sessions and does daily exercises as she works to regain strength and speech.

“I’m still doing exercises,” she said.

She said her recovery is slow, and the future remains uncertain. Yet she continues, much as she did during the years she spent caring for her son, one day at a time.

This Christmas, the Khan home is quieter than it has been in years. There are no medical machines, no feeding schedules, and no alarms demanding immediate attention. But there is also no Matthew.

The season brings back memories that cannot be avoided, of the accident that happened days before Christmas, of years spent fighting to keep a child alive, and of a loss that has now been followed by illness.

“And now it’s even worse now, because he’s not here,” Khan said.

As families across the country prepare for celebration, Khan faces the season quietly, carrying grief, fragile health, and memories.