Abusive relationships scar children for life

Dear Editor,
Very often, victims of gender-based abuse say they chose not to walk away from it because of the children. The fact is that staying in an abusive relationship because of the children will cause the children to be scarred for life, as growing up in such a home is one of the most terrifying and traumatic experiences a child can have.
Children in abusive relationships may blame themselves for the abuse, thinking if they had not done or said a particular thing the abuse would not have occurred. They may also become angry at their siblings or their mothers for triggering the abuse, and may display increased aggression towards peers or mothers.
Such children may feel rage, embarrassment and humiliation. They generally feel isolated and vulnerable, and can easily engage in self-harm, or even become suicidal. They are starved for attention, affection, and approval as they become physically, emotionally and psychologically abandoned. Thus they can also be continually angry and act out, or they can become depressed and withdraw, too frightened and embarrassed to speak out, and easy to be bullied. Also, they can be anxious to please, and thus become easy to manipulate and be taken advantage of.
Since children have a natural tendency to identify with strength, they may ally themselves with the abuser, and lose respect for their seemingly helpless mother. In fact, there is a definite correlation between violence and child abuse. Growing up in a violent home can set patterns for children; patterns that can cause them to commit violence and abuse, thereby continuing that cycle. In effect, witnessing domestic violence is the single best predictor of juvenile delinquency and adult criminality.
As well, females can also become accepting of abuse — thinking that it is normal — as they grew up seeing it happen continually, with the victim staying rather than leaving. And so they will not only tolerate intimate-partner abuse as they get older, but may actually think such abuse is normal.
Children in abusive relationships may experience developmental delays in speech, motor, or cognitive skills; are also more apt to use poor judgment; have health problems; experience social and emotional issues; be at higher risk of alcohol/drug abuse; suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder; and are also more apt to become school dropouts, pregnant teens, and gun users. They grow up to suffer from low self-esteem; stay in dead-end jobs; or worse, be unable to keep a job.
According to a 2002 US Department of Justice Special Report, children who grow up in homes where violence is present are:
1) Six (6) times more likely to take their lives
2) Twenty-four (24) times more likely to be sexually assaulted
3) Sixty-seven (67) times more likely to engage in delinquent behaviours as adolescents
4) One hundred (100) times more likely to be abusers themselves
5) Five hundred (500) times more likely to be abused or neglected.
In effect, children should be the abused person’s most critical reason NOT TO STAY in an abusive relationship.

Sincerely,
The Caribbean Voice