Award…

…for playing victim
We Guyanese have always been movie crazy – remember the cinemas in every neighbourhood? – but our own stars aren’t acknowledged for their thespian qualities!! Remember our hysteria when Leticia Wright received kudos for her Black Panther role?? Well, acting ain’t only done for the big screen, but also in modern times, for the cameras on smartphones that feed into our ever-present small screen!!
So, your Eyewitness, who knows Hollywood and Bollywood are always looking for Oscar-worthy performances, is nominating a fella who beats, hands down, most of the actors out there!! So, ladies and gentlemen (drum roll) let your Eyewitness introduce Sanction Man!! Who deserves an Academy Award for Best Performance as the Perpetual Victim in a Legal Drama!! The man has demonstrated remarkable versatility: whenever another legal challenge, court proceeding, or Government action comes along, the script somehow remains the same: he ain’t the accused – he’s the victim!! He even parlayed the role into getting him elected as our LOO!!
The latest production – “Extradition: The Never-Ending Story” – resumed yesterday at the Georgetown Magistrate’s Courts in front of Magistrate Judy!! The production, of course, had already enjoyed appearances at the said Magistrate’s Courts, High Court, Court of Appeal, and CCJ, and then repeatedly in an almost endless loop!! The latest was the CCJ rejecting Sanction Man’s challenges to the extradition process TWICE in August, while our Court of Appeal ruled the Magistrate proceedings could continue, with the final determination to await the constitutional appeal!!
But why let inconvenient things like court rulings interfere with a good victim narrative?? For this Reality Show production, Sanction Man has perfected the art of looking less like a man facing charges in courts and more like the unfortunate hero of a political persecution flick!! As the nominating committee, your Eyewitness was particularly impressed by his ability to transform every courtroom appearance into another episode of “Why’s Everybody Picking on (poor!!) Me?”!!
And let’s not forget the Best Supporting Performance: Sanction Man’s legal team!! But the Best Direction Oscar gotta go to his sisters – who understand that a clueless actor needs a good director!! Their job has been to ensure the cameras, microphones, and social-media audience never forget the central theme: Sanction Man’s the victim, and Pressie is the “bad guy”!! And boy have they succeeded!!
Your Eyewitness therefore suggests the Academy establish a special category for Guyana – Best Family Production of a Legal Victimhood Franchise!! After all, unlike most Oscar nominees, this movie keeps producing sequels faster than the Marvel franchise: “Extradition: The Never-Ending Story”, “The Victim Strikes Back”, “Return of the Appeal”, and now, playing at the GT Magistrate’s Courts, “Victimhood VI: The Magistrate Strikes Again”!!
Pass the popcorn, please!!

…for justice at last
It was exactly 10 years ago that West Coast rap genius Tupac Shakur was gunned down – ironically not in his beef with East Coast rappers, but by a local South Side Compton Crips street gang leader – Duane “Keffe D” Davis!! Davis was finally convicted because of his own boasts in his recently published memoir!!
Just 25, Tupac was unrivalled in his description of life in the Black “hood” of America. A flavour of his talent can be gleaned from this snippet from his release, “Changes”: “Wake up in tha mornin and I ask myself/is life worth livin’ or should I blast myself?/I’m tired of bein’ poor, and even worse, I’m Black, my stomach hurts/so I’m lookin’ for a purse to snatch.
“Cops give a damn about a Negro/pull tha trigger, kill a nigga he’s a hero/give tha crack to the kids who the hell care/one less hungry mouth on welfare/first ship em dope, that I’m dealin’ brothas/give ‘em guns, step back, watch ‘em kill each other”!!

…for Barima CoI
Your Eyewitness hopes all the armchair critics will not give evidence to the CoI that’s begun investigating the circumstances surrounding the capsizing and sinking of the MV Barima.