Bring Back… the King?

As a scout who promised to “do my duty to God and the Queen” of Britain, your Eyewitness is more than a tad concerned about the leadership muddle in old Blighty!! After tutoring us for centuries, the Brits seem to’ve perfected the art of producing Prime Ministers assembled overnight from leftover pieces of a focus group!! Maybe they should consider replacing them with that institution they abolished in everything but name – the Royals!!,
Now your Eyewitness ain’t joking!! Think about it – the British have endured an unremarkable procession of politicos who arrive at 11 Downing Street promising to change the country – only to quickly disappear amid scandals, U-turns, leadership challenges, and the general impression that no one – including themselves!! – quite knows why they’re there!!
There was the wild-haired blond, the austerity Chancellor, the earnest technocrat, the short-lived economic revolutionary, the caretaker, and now the latest model!! Remember them?? No??!! Your Eyewitness longs for the days when the occupant of Downing Street at least had a face John Public could recognise!!
The Monarchy, meanwhile, has been remarkably stable!! The incumbent doesn’t announce a new policy every Tuesday morning – nor appear on television promising that Britain’s gonna “level up” something nobody’s ever heard of!! And he certainly doesn’t resign ‘cause 52 per cent of his colleagues decided he’s become an electoral liability!!
Indeed, the royals already possess several qualifications ordinary Brits consider essential for modern British Governments!! They’re trained to wave, can survive embarrassing family scandals, are comfortable wearing colourful costumes – and have absolutely no compulsion to explain their policies on breakfast television!! Then there’s the added bonus of abolishing elections!! Can you imagine the savings??!!
No endless leadership contests, no party conferences, no focus groups, no opinion polls asking whether the PM looks “sufficiently Prime Ministerial” – and no manifesto promising to spend money the Treasury’s already confessed it doesn’t have!! The King would just appoint a PM he fancies – and get on with the business of being King!! Parliament would continue debating furiously – secure in the knowledge that nobody’s listening!!
And the Monarchy needn’t be entirely hereditary – every five years the royal family could hold internal elections based on who can best speak through clenched jaws!! The Monarch could continue cutting ribbons, inaugurate hospitals and deliver the King’s Speech – while the experts in the Civil Service run the country and tell him what they’re up to!! After all, if Britain’s gonna have BRITISH democracy, it’s gotta have the right people on the job – not the present lot going around a turnstile!!
And while we’re at it, maybe here in ole Mudland we oughta move in the same direction?? Irfaan’s certainly proven he can cut ribbons and govern at the same time!!

…solar
Your Eyewitness has been cautioned to watch his AC usage – since we’ve reached our peak electricity generation!! He knows the Wales Gas-to-Energy plant’s gonna give us a big boost – but he thinks we should convert our – hundreds of thousands! – of private rooftops into miniature power stations!! The Government’s already launched a 5000-home, grid-connected solar initiative allowing households to generate electricity during the day and send surplus power back to GPL for credits on their bills!! That target should be treated as a beginning, not an ambition!!
Like they’d done with house lots, the Government should target 50,000 rooftop-solar homes within five years – while making installation just as easy and affordable with low-interest financing, tax concessions and standardised installation packages!! The rooftop solar programme’s gonna make the grid more resilient, reduce GPL’s daytime load – AND allow households to lower their electricity bills!!
Our future electricity system doesn’t have to be Wales versus solar – but Wales PLUS solar with every suitable Guyanese roof producing a kilowatt!!

…pork-knocking
With all the furrin companies extracting our hundreds of thousands of ounces of gold every year – leaving us with just a bonus and wages – your Eyewitness calls on pork-knockers to retake our national pride!!
“When yuh bin a Kurupung…!!”