When
we think of the word bullying, we often conjure up a picture in our minds of a young child in the playground being picked on, having their lunch money stolen or their heads flushed in a toilet bowl, but unfortunately bullying has evolved way beyond that and is painfully apparent in almost every area of our lives way beyond high school.
As if the bullying that takes place during childhood is not traumatic enough, it is only a very small percentage of the bullying that occurs on a daily basis; in the home, in the workplace and amongst peers of any age. You see, it seems that when those school bullies grow up, if no intervention has taken place to shift their warped tendency, they are likely to grow up and continue the practice.
Worst still is if they find themselves in positions of power and are able to use superior strength or influence to intimidate. People who feel the need to exert power over others will generally find a way to do so using a hierarchy in some way, whether they are the big boss, the manager, the supervisor or the team leader. If not, they take it home to wives or husbands and unfortunately, also to their children. Adult bullies act out for the same reasons that young bullies do; they’re trying to make up for some shortcoming of their own, usually accompanied by some serious insecurity issues.
Generally they target people because they are jealous, as sad as that may seem. Both young and old bullies compare themselves to you and if you’re smart and they have a harder time learning, they lash out. They may be frustrated because your home life seems to be going well and theirs are not. You may be more skilful or well liked at work and they resent that. When their lives are unsatisfactory and they are unable to deal with it, they look for someone to be their punching bag. They lack control over their own lives and so they console themselves with having the control over someone’s emotions and that makes them happy, for a while.
There are many types of bullying and the consequences for some can be quite devastating; from agonising over going to school or work, to thoughts of, and even the action of, suicide. The worry and anxiety can seriously affect performance at work or at school and in turn give the bully more ammunition to humiliate or belittle. With the use of social media now there is an added dimension and forum which is utilised by those intent on damaging someone else’s equilibrium.
If you find yourself the attention of a bully, whatever the age or situation, please do not feel helpless no matter how accommodating a personality you are. As adults, we may have more control over the situation than we did as a child, but it is the same response advised to children that will affect the outcome, irrespective of age. Bullies are looking for people that are willing to submit to their power play. If we act as though their actions and words don’t affect us, it eventually ruins the whole process for them.
So if someone continually makes jokes at your expense, laugh along with them. If they make sarcastic, fake compliments, thank them. When someone says something rude, pretend that you didn’t hear them. It may take a great deal of effort and a little time but eventually, when you stop being a victim, each of the bully’s attempts becomes embarrassing for them, not you. You retain the power that they crave.
What all bullies have in common is the use of power to satisfy their own psychological shortcomings. Their behaviour will most likely be one that they have carried with them from childhood. They have probably spent their whole lives using bullying as a way to avoid dealing with their own issues. In fact many bullies have at some point been subjected to other’s abuse of power in the past and search for who they perceive as weaker people to inflict their own power upon in an effort to overcome feeling inadequate.
Think about your own conduct. Do you take advantage of your power over someone? That is not a sign of strength of character, it is ironically a weakness. If you need to belittle someone to feel good there is a problem. If hurting others makes your life more exciting, there is a problem. The problem is yours.
