Escaping 14 years of abuse; starting over at 35

– A domestic violence survivor shares her story

Denise Veerasammy (pseudonym used for her protection) is a 35-year-old mother of two children, age 15 and 10, who endured 14 years of abuse at the hands of her former husband.
Escaping those years of abuse was no easy undertaking but Denise knew – for the sake of her life and that of her children – she had to find the courage and strength to leave.
Today, she stands proud, and fiercely independent—despite the shadows of the past that once held her captive.
In an interview with the Guyana Times, the woman recalled her early life growing up in West Coast Berbice (WCB) to loving parents. She recalled that her parents’ marriage was a perfect example of partnership, where her father never raised his voice or hand against her mother, and they shared household duties equally.
She had hoped one day to similarly find herself in a loving relationship like her parents. She thought that happened in October 2008, when she met a man who seemed to be everything she ever dreamt of.

Happy beginnings
They met during a cultural event at her Mandir, where she was modelling, and he was singing. They exchanged numbers, and soon after began dating. At first, everything was perfect. Denise explained that she even turned down marriage proposals from two other suitors, in favour of her new love.
Her mother disapproved, but her father remained neutral, allowing Denise to make her own decisions. Little did she know that the man who seemed so perfect, would soon become the source of unimaginable pain and suffering.
“He came to ask home. I agreed. I thought it was the best day for my life. So, we set a date for my engagement,” Denise said.
However, that engagement never happened. Denise said that her fiancé’s family abruptly cancelled the event.
“They cancelled on us the day before. Mind you, I had already invited people…my mother was like ‘I told you’. She was like ‘don’t ever talk back to him’. I did not hear from him [for] a couple weeks and then when we started to talk again, my mother said: ‘you make you bed hard, you will lie on it’,” she recalled.
Despite the drama with the engagement cancellation, Denise had forgiven her fiancé, and they got married in May 2009.

The abuse
They moved in together at his family’s home at Mon Repos, East Coast Demerara (ECD) where things slowly began to change. He became increasingly distant, drinking heavily, and spending money on his mother rather than their growing family.
Denise, pregnant with their son, held on to the hope that things would get better. But the worst was yet to come.
The physical abuse began gradually—small slaps, harsh words, and growing emotional manipulation.
When they moved into their own home on the West Coast of Demerara (WCD), Denise noted that the abuse got worse. During one of the worst moments, while Denise was in her last trimester, her husband attacked her in the bathroom.
Denise recalled one of the worst moments of her life: “I can remember he had me in the bathroom screaming, hitting me on my tummy and trying to suffocate me. I can remember praying and begging for my life and my son’s life.”
Thankfully, in December 2009, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy – but the violence did not stop.
Just six months later, her husband threw her into a wall during a seemingly ordinary argument. She was left with a broken shoulder, unable to even pick up her crying child. During this incident, Denise went to her neighbour for help.
They looked after her child while she sought medical help at the Leonora Public Hospital but there were no doctors there to treat her injury. She returned home where she called her mother, begging for help – but she lied about how she sustained her injuries. Her husband refused to help.
“I called my mother, who is in Berbice, telling her I fell from the steps and slip my shoulder. She asks for my loving husband, I said ‘he’s here but can you come please, I cannot bear this pain, please come now mommy’. That was about 8:30hrs that night; she meet by 11:00hrs. My father took me at Woodlands Hospital that night and of course, the loving husband went too but could not take me earlier,” Denise recalled.
Her neighbour, she said, eventually told her mother the truth. But Denise was still too afraid to leave the marriage.
Her life became a series of painful and fearful moments—calling the police after countless attacks, hiding bruises, and pretending everything was fine for the sake of her children.
Her once-promising dreams of further education and career growth faded into the background as she struggled just to survive each day.

Breaking the cycle
But one night in October 2023, Denise decided she would have no more of the abuse. It was during yet another abusive episode, where her husband attacked her with a bat. He struck her on the head, and she collapsed, unconscious for several minutes. When she came to, her other child, a daughter was crying over her, terrified. Her husband lay in their bed, as if nothing had happened.
Denise knew, in that moment, that she could no longer endure this pain. She made the call to the police. They arrived swiftly, arrested her husband, and she was taken to Georgetown Public Hospital (GPHC) for stitches.
The following day, Denise’s husband’s employer reached out to her, urging her to drop the charges or risk him going to prison. But this time, Denise couldn’t be swayed. For the first time in 14 years, she realised she had to power to break free.
On October 9, 2023, her husband packed his bags and left. For a moment, Denise thought it was the worst day of her life. But after much introspection, she realised it was the complete opposite.
“Now, I realise it was the best day of my life. It was the end of 14 years of mental, physical and emotional abuse,” Denise remarked.
She recalled that her strength did not come immediately, but it grew with every step she took toward healing.
“I must say over the years when he would abuse me, I never wanted to be without him, but my eyes open that night he hit me with the bat. I thank God for life because that could have been my last day. It was not an easy road for me to get where I am today but I would like to tell my fellow women not to stay in an unhealthy relationship, it is not worth it, your life is more precious,” Denise urged.

Independence and security
Denise now lives apart from her children, who are with her parents in Berbice, while she focuses on her studies and building a career in Georgetown.
Though the separation is difficult, she knows it is necessary to provide a better future for her children, and herself. She is studying and working hard to become financially independent, something she never thought possible in her earlier years.
Denise is encouraging other women who may be in similar situations to find their courage to leave abusive relationships. She acknowledged that it may be a terrifying and tough journey at first, but assured that life gets better.
“Many people use to say I had a perfect marriage, but nobody knows what happens behind closed doors, and it’s not okay to try and make things work when you know he is an abuser. Think about your love ones, if anything happens to you…Self-love is very important. Ladies, no one will ever love you like how you will love yourself. Take time to do you, work on yourself, make yourself a better person.”
“I am thirty-five years old and I am now getting the opportunity to study and become a better person for my kids, so it’s never too late to start, age is just a number.”
The 914 hotline is a toll-free number that provides telephone services to victims/survivors of sexual offences and domestic abuse.