Parenting can be tough at any stage of the process and even though the physical load can ease as our children get older, the challenges during their teenage years are possibly the most difficult to get through. The host of pressures, including changes during puberty and questions about identity and belonging, can bring turmoil and uncertainty and subsequently teenage mood swings or growing pains.
Regrettably, these pressures are increasingly developing into more than just moodiness; sometimes turning into teen depression. The initial difficulty for parents and carers is to differentiate between normal growing pains and this serious health problem that impacts every aspect of a teen’s life. Sulkiness, negativity, irritability, antisocial behaviour and withdrawal are often synonymous with growing up, but they are also early warning signs of depression.
While hormones and stress can explain teenage anxiety, continuous and unrelenting unhappiness, lethargy and irritability, along with persistent changes in personality, mood, or behaviour indicate that a deeper problem may exist.
Teen depression can be triggered by a number of occurrences including social rejection, family turmoil or failing exams. While the triggers or causes of teenage depression may not appear to be significant events to many adults, the importance lies within the sufferer’s perception. The problem can be exasperated by the generation gap and lack of understanding between parents and children that appears to be continually worsening.
There are many symptoms of teen depression, each impacting on the other to form a cycle. Sadness and hopelessness can be overwhelming and lead to tearfulness and frequent crying. Often the sufferer’s frustration is that they are unsure why they are having these feelings and it magnifies the hopelessness.
Other symptoms such as changes in eating and sleeping habits may contribute to the low energy levels, fatigue and inability to concentrate. Couple this with a loss of interest in activities and lack of enthusiasm or motivation and the ensuing negative impact on school performance in turn increases feelings of worthlessness and guilt. This may be mistaken for laziness, but generally a parent knows if this is part of a child’s personality or a significant change.
Feelings of restlessness and agitation can lead to destructive or defiant behaviour, anger and hostility that damage relationships and cause withdrawal, often from the people who are needed more than ever for support during such a desperate time. This increases isolation and the risks that the depression may intensify thoughts of suicide.
Depression is very damaging when left untreated, so it is imperative that parents do not wait and hope that worrisome symptoms will go away. If you suspect that your child is depressed; act. The normal teenage behaviours may have similarities, but the questions to ask are how long the behaviours have been presenting, how severe they are and whether they are a complete contrast to how the child normally behaves.
The key is to approach the issue in a loving, non-judgmental way and provide a safe environment to open up dialogue. It is highly likely that an immediate response will not be forth coming but it is important that you gently persist. Many teenagers will insist that there is nothing wrong and be very reluctant to discuss an issue they themselves do not fully understand.
Keep encouraging them to share their feeling and be ready to truly listen. That means to be empathetic and try not to gauge how they feel by how you think they should. Do not dismiss or underestimate the strength of their feelings despite your own inability to comprehend or fully understand. There is little point in attempting to talk them out of the depression, especially if your stance is going to be one that fails to acknowledge the enormity of it all for them.
Identifying there is a problem is the first step and if you are unsure whether it is depression or difficult teenage development, then seek advice from those who know. Untreated teen depression can lead to many difficulties in both adolescence and later in adult life.
Be sure not to dismiss or berate your teen for ungrateful, wayward behaviour without really looking at the problem. It is your job to ensure your child is safe and healthy, both physically and mentally. That means not explaining away their behaviour or waiting for them to grow out of it when deep down you have a feeling something more is wrong. Depression needs to be treated by a professional and you as the parent are the link to getting the necessary help. Offer them a chance at a happier childhood and an opportunity to learn coping mechanisms for the inescapable challenges of life.
