Conflict
is a part of our everyday lives. Each individual is so unique and we have so many differences of opinions, even among friends, that conflict is bound to arise. For good ideas and true innovation to immerge, we need conflict, productive argument and debate.
There are those of us who shy away from any kind of conflict, finding it difficult to confront opposing opinions and avoiding it at all costs, while voicing our concerns in a safer space; but mostly being left frustrated at the other persons lack of empathy, failing to realise that if we don’t convey our feelings they will never understand our way of thinking and we will never create the opportunity for discussion.
At the other end of the spectrum are those who thrive on conflict, those who love to be in the midst of controversy and are fuelled and excited by the prospect of disagreement; poised to deliver a superior viewpoint. Unfortunately, they can be closed to others’ opinions and too set on being right to consider the other persons perspective, feelings or experiences. This can be a suffocating position because it breeds a false sense of grandeur and stifles development, growth and empathy. Going in to a conflicting situation with a closed mind denies the other person respect and ourselves acceptance of the possibility of our imprecisions.
Balanced between the two are those that understand the inevitability and value of conflict and want to use it to learn, to inform and to consider new ways of thinking. Usually this approach allows the conflicting party the room and freedom to express themselves fully and also encourages them to offer the courtesy of listening and considering their opposition’s viewpoint. With this approach even in the eventually of residual disagreement, both parties are likely to be comfortable agreeing to disagree.
The conflict many of us avoid and fear is much worse than the reality of voicing a conflicting opinion. The discomfort of the disagreement and the ensuing outcome could be minimised by a firm but fair approach. Often the result of avoiding conflict is that we end up doing things we do not want to do or feeling that we have compromised ourselves by standing by and failing to challenge an ill-informed point of view. Do not leave a conflict rich encounter thinking your silence has won because it is unlikely that it has achieved anything other than leaving the person you are dealing with feeling superior; believing your silence is an admission that if you argue you will lose.
You may reason you are above taking time to challenge some people and it doesn’t matter what they think but that shows a lack of care to your fellow human and a lack of responsibility for yourself in the interactions where you arepotentially a facilitator for change. Opportunities during interactions in which you could have a positive or evoking influence should be utilised. Within personal relations avoidance it is not asign of a good relationship; on the contrary avoidance is a symptom of a serious communication problem.
Conflict can be foreboding to the pacifist and the aggressor for the same reason. They may be afraid to have to accept another’s valid point. While one moves away silently the other bombards their opponent and refuses to listen, both are afraid of the same thing. Those that debate and consider are strong enough to accept they are not always right; they want to grow, they want to develop, they want to teach and to learn.
Anyone who is already, or hoping to, successfully manage the full potential of relations between their workforce, employer, peer group or family would have had to face and embrace conflict. We are all unique and are a product of knowledge personality passions; there is bound to be conflict. Accept there are likely three sides, yours theirs and the truth.
Some ways of working towards dealing with conflict either as an involved party or someone trying to facilitate positive outcomes should approach conflict with an eye for resolution. Ask questions to better understand the viewpoint of others – what was expected,, why was it not achieved, can needs be met, were they unrealistic, can they be achieved eventually? Recognise differing perspectives and allow them fair consideration. Look at honest and unintended mistakes and accept them. Someone has to genuinely want to avoid further escalation to find effective ways to resolve issues.
The nature of conflict is the nature of human interactions. We can use it for development or hindrance. Decide your approach.
