Reading…the new LOO

Well, it’s clear that the race to present the Budget goes not to the swift…but to the marathon speaker who can go the distance. Finance Minister Ashni Singh had to keep going for SEVEN AND A HALF HOURS to just read Budget 2026!! To be fair, he had to break regularly from his presentation to berate several obstreperous members of the Chicken Man-led APNU remnants. But then again, his tone and volume had to be even more stentorian and hectoring during those interludes – so it wasn’t like he was taking VOCAL breaks!! Most folks finish the Boston Marathon in three hours – and the rule is you gotta finish within six hours!! Your Eyewitness is reliably informed that for his marathon presentation, Ashni had to be in training with several voice coaches who work with opera stars!!
Over on the Opposition benches – led now by Sanction Man all decked out in the faux “designer” outfits that are fobbed off on him to give him gravitas?!! When you don’t know, you don’t know!! If you have real money, you don’t wear other people’s labels and become walking advertising mannequins for them!! You fly into Saville Row in London and get outfitted with “bespoke” suits that are made just for you!! Shoes from Gazizno and Girly on the block can set you back US$6000 – but they come with a lifetime guarantee, and you can fly in and have your soles replaced when they get worn!! So, imagine the suits!! Anyhow, folk wisdom talks about “Neva see; come fuh see!!” And talking about clothes… your Eyewitness wonders whether Chicken Man’s bright red garb wasn’t a not-so-subliminal come-on to the PPP!!
Sanction Man – now officially designated as the LOO – tried to work on his image as a policy lightweight by furrowing his brow and pretending he was soaking up the 7 hours of tightly spun verbiage!! He and his band of Scrapes also didn’t join in on the raucous picong slung by the APNU (diminished) band at Ashni!! Sadly, it was too much for some – such as their usually vociferous Gen Secretary – who literally nodded off so frequently, bets were wagered by some in the visitors’ benches as to when her head would actually hit the desk in front of her!! Afterwards Sanction Man actually criticised the APNU contingent for their behaviour, which he contrasted negatively to his and his Scrapes’ studious silence!! Poor fellow doesn’t know that “throwing talk” is part of the parliamentary tradition – once it’s witty and not scatological!!
Anyhow, following tradition, Parliament will have a one-week recess, and next Monday the LOO is supposed to lead off the debate on the Budget!! And THIS your Eyewitness will be looking forward to – since Sanction Man will have to go beyond soundbites prepared by his Sissy!!
Follow your Eyewitness and get your popcorn and channa ready!!

…the old guard
Your Eyewitness never thought this would happen to him – he’s actually missing the PNC!! And it’s not that they allowed themselves to be thrashed by an upstart neophyte who possibly can’t even SPELL “politics”!! It’s more to do with the PERSONS Leader Aubrey picked to send to Parliament!! Chicken Man and Black Pudding Man?? Please!!! Hammie must be having conniptions!!
Just look at their tactics – your Eyewitness is being EXTREMELY KIND in his use of the word!! – during the confirming of the LOO. First, they ostentatiously announced they wouldn’t field anyone against Sanction Man!! Leaving everyone to conclude they wanted to bury the hatchet! A Black Pudding Man’s candidacy would’ve put at least ONE WIN MP on the spot – and FGM!!
But they then walked out when the votes were cast!! Couldn’t they have simply abstained??
Confusion in the ranks!!

…reality
A few years back, the Russian Bauxite co. – RUSAL – owned by oligarch Deripaksha walked out on their bauxite concessions because the workers played hardball. They’re back!!
So, what’re the new conditions gonna be?? Who will blink??