Today, families around the world are gathered together in millions of homes to celebrate Christmas. There will be a plethora of food, laughter, and maybe some old catching up and reminiscing about years past.
However, for some, especially me, amid the joy, a certain heaviness will settle over my household. Without a word, everyone in my family knows how the others are feeling – it’s just not the same this year, and it will never be again because my grandma, Janet Stephanie McAllister, is no longer here.
Janet Stephanie McAllister in happier times
For some, this feeling comes across the room when it’s time to pray – a grandmother who always prayed is no longer here. Or the grief paralyses some family member who has to wrap all the presents alone this year.
But, for me, this holiday celebration will have a new, conspicuous component, an empty seat at the table, no movement in the kitchen on Christmas Eve, no kneading of bread, no creaming of butter to make cakes, and no shouts for “Maurice!” my grandfather, whom she always called upon to pass her something while she cooked.
My grandma, Janet, as most called her, was that glue that held her little family together, not just during the Christmas holidays but all year around. Her contagious laughter, her splendid singing, her love for fashion and cooking, her determination, and her powerful prayers, were what made her our ‘Queen’.
However, on June 12, 2019, she was taken away from our little family, and while it may seem like a long time, this year I seem to miss her the most. While over the years I’ve tried to make the pain go away, the healing process, and adding meaning to the holidays are very difficult this year.
But even as I and my family are acknowledging our loss, and what Grandma Janet meant to our family, her memory this Christmas will give meaning to our grief and also reflect the love we have as a family.
Even though it may be poignantly different to maintain Christmas traditions this year and every other year without her, we will try to provide a thread of connection for your family and build an unbreakable bond she will always want us to have.
So, this Christmas, if you are also experiencing an empty seat at the table, remember that an empty seat does not mean empty hearts and homes. Even though the holidays can be painful reminders of who is not at the table, we can still experience real joy by taking time this Christmas season to fondly remember our loved ones whom we’ve lost.
Today, I honour Grandma Janet’s memory and I cherish the special people who I still have around the table.
No one will ever take her place, but as time softens the hurt, the holidays will become a time of year when my family and I can enjoy the warm and fond memories of her, who is no longer in our presence.
