So the past few weeks I’ve gotten into “The Bachelorette”. I know, I know, reality TV, really? But there’s a reason why it’s so addicting – they know exactly what buttons to press, what “drama” to create to make it just so easy to fall into. And even though the only reason I got into the Bachelorette was because I’d seen another show, UnReal, where they gave the scoop about what really goes on behind the scenes in these shows. In other words, how they manipulate the contestants to create drama, I was still sucked into it.
At another level, the productions demonstrate how the hegemony in which we all swim – like fishes in an ocean – and we don’t even realise there is something enveloping us and within which we are forced to exist. All the projections of what is proper and right become “common sense” and we don’t even question it. That’s the way it is!
Looking at the show it was very interesting to see the types of male stereotypes being played out. You had two types of guys – the ripped, muscle-y, “manly” men and the smaller, sensitive guys (maybe you can tell which types of guys lasted longer in the competition).
But it allowed me to see the types of boxes guys have to fit into. The dates the guys had to go on revolved around some variation of stereotypically “manly” things. They had to saddle on firemen gear, put out fires, hack their way through walls with a fireaxe to “save” the bachelorette.
I’ve written before about how even at the school level, there’s this pressure on boys to be cool and “manly”. Maybe that’s one of the reasons girls keep out-performing boys in school? While the boys have to find time for cricket and other sports and keeping up the façade of being ‘too cool to study’, it’s fine for girls to pop open a textbook, sit in a corner to study and get all wound up over wanting to do well for exams. Boys seem to have to use that time to keep up with the latest video games and generally do other ‘boy things’.
But boys (and all of us) have to take the time to think about the type of person we want to be today, five years from now, and even 10 years from now. Is it worth spending so much time to ‘fit in’ if you become someone that even you can’t recognise?
Being the “macho man”, not showing any weakness, these are all things that have traditionally been expected of men. And it’s not healthy. Boys get hurt – girls aren’t the only ones who need to cry. We need to tell our sons that it’s okay for them to be expressive, that it’s okay for them to cry, that it’s okay for them to ask for help. Doing those things doesn’t make them a “sissy”.
Take a quiet moment to think about whether the things you do, or the things you want to do, are things that you truly want or whether it’s what everybody else is doing. Don’t be afraid to flow against the tide, to be your own person, to captain your own destiny.
