The perils of a taboo – gender-based violence

Dear Editor,
In the back of our minds, there has always been the burning (childish?) question of, is the world coming to an end and if so, when and how? Recent space developments and the advent of daily technology being improvised, suggest gross uncertainty if not certain doubt. The world is encountering varied speculations regarding the advent of the deadly COVID-19 and entertaining far-fetched reactions towards its repercussions.
Space X success in launching its 100th successful flight to the Space Station and the arrival on earth of the Japanese probe with asteroid dust, reflect mankind’s ingenuity in advancing the race for trying to understand the mystery of the universe with the help of science. Sceptics also wonder if this is not man’s interference beyond the sublimity of mankind’s domicile. If so, then, this intrusion may translate into strange encounters and unprecedented circumstances.
The world is engrossed with climatic changes. Economic and political injections create social implications. While dictatorship and discrimination derail many societies, the freedom of expression and the fight for equality continue to gain momentum. The increase of poverty and suffering highlight the attention for attraction. Is this cyclic wave a result of inhumane behaviour or the effect of an intervention from a higher order? Leaving the door open is making room for a sleepless night.
Maybe this chain reaction may explain this rush of violent madness which is gripping Guyana’s shore and creating a havoc with family life. Is there something in the air which is controlling people’s minds and gripping the hands to plunge knives into the bodies of partners? Does hallucination contribute as a grey area for concern? How delusive can the imagination become? What excuse encourages this gravitational pull towards eruptive behaviour? Are the social and economic implications the only explanation for this rampant upheaval? There is no comfort in reflecting on Guyana’s figures relating to gender-based violence. One death is one too much and seventeen is simply preposterous and atrocious.
The United Nations call for 16 days of activities to bring awareness to this agitated furore is being met with Guyana launching its “enough with the violence” campaign by the Ministry of Human Services and Social Security. First Lady Arya Ali is also involved along with other women’s organisations to render services in this direction.
A quick look at some discussed forms of domestic violence include:
1. Physical abuse – an intentional act of applying force to someone’s body in an attempt to harm that person. Included but not limited may reflect kicking, biting, choking and hitting.
2. Financial deprivation – the event of an abuser controlling or taking away the victim’s money in order to suppress them.
3. Emotional/psychological abuse – this display unfolds in the forms of verbal attacking, belittling, insulting or ridiculing someone. Also inclusive is undermining their self-image, self-worth and self-confidence. Even intentionally disregarding or downplaying someone and their efforts, are regarded as abusive.
4. Sexual abuse – forcing a partner into undesired sexual acts may include incest, rape or inappropriate touching.
Experts’ reviews recognise a cycle of violence as documented:
In an abusive relationship, there is a repeated cycle involving domestic violence: – Tension Building Phase leading to an Abusive Incident to follow the Honeymoon Phase and ending up back again with the Tension Building Phase.
Tension Building Phase – tension increases and there is a breakdown in communication. The victim becomes fearful or feels like they are “walking on eggshells” around the abuser.
Honeymoon Phase – the abuser may apologise, buy gifts, or be extra affectionate to “make up” for the abuse. Promises are made to change, stop abusing or making a commitment that it will never happen again. But once this phase is over, the Tension Building Phase commences again and the comforting promises the abuser made will be broken.
There are some warning signs one can become wary of to protect oneself and also others. Psychologists pinpoint your partner/spouse mistreats or abuses you by doing one or more than one or all of the following:
1. Accuses you of having an affair constantly.
2. Criticises everything you do, including name-calling.
3. Punches the wall, throws objects, and seems mentally unstable.
4. Threatens to hurt you, kill you or your children/family.
5. Makes you feel worthless, stupid and yells as the main form of communication.
6. Controls every single aspect of the family’s finances without your input.
7. Even though you work, you’re given an “allowance” where you must justify every single expenditure.
8. Stops you from wanting to work outside the home.
9. Stalks you, checks where you are and who you are with at all times.
10. Hits, pushes, pulls hair, punches.
11. Locks you inside the home until their return.
12. Forces you to have sex.
Trained professionals advise some norms for consideration for female behaviour that may work against women becoming abusers, especially when alone or far away from immediate help:
1) Defer to men.
2) Be nice – you can “catch more flies with honey.”
3) Adapt to things you don’t like; endure what you can’t control.
4) Soothe other people’s anger.
5) Shut up! Keep your feelings to yourself – especially anger.
6) Keep the peace.
7) Keep the family together.
8) Take responsibility for how men treat you.
9) Don’t be too “demanding.”
Discussants opine possible resolutions to be adopted and implemented as solutions:
While we struggle to find the solutions, women continue to cower in fear, tell doctors that they fell down the stairs to explain injuries from merciless beatings and lawyers and caseworkers should continue to plead with them to stay away from their perpetrators.
1. Citizens can do better to bring awareness to the situation by being responsive and responsible.
2. Representative for the United Nations (UN) Women Multi-Country Office in the Caribbean Toni Brodber said teaching youth positive conflict resolution techniques can help prevent violence in relationships before they begin.
3. All must work in every home, school, office, church, society, organisation, community, in every part of our country to expose violence against women where it exists, support the women, work with the perpetrators, create safe spaces, educate persons and share the solution.
4. A zero-tolerance campaign against violence against women can bring an end to the seemingly unending wave of violence.
5. Join the movement on social media.
6. Establish an emergency hotline, which will link survivors to agencies, advocacy programmes, referral pathways, microenterprise industries, public-private skills employment database matching and offer immediate help to extricate them from violent situations.
7. 24-hour hotline operators will offer support, referral to victims and survivors, family, friends and professionals via an integration of the services available at both the Domestic Violence Unit and the Childcare and Protection Agency.
8. For couples who ‘live home’ even after children are produced in the relationship – Are there signs of an abuser that can be discerned early on in a budding relationship, which can then be nipped in mandatory pre-counselling before matters proceed too far?
9. Most abuse and violence are committed by “significant others”. We bear much of the responsibility for choosing them. Let us become educated for the signals sent out by abusers.
10. Report every incident of violence, since by doing that you can save a life.
It was Maya Angelou who advised, “If you are going down a road and you don’t like what’s in front of you, and look behind you and don’t like what you see, get off the road! Create a new path because hope and fear cannot occupy the same space. Invite one to stay.”

Respectfully,
Jai Lall