By Andrew Carmichael
There are rare instances in which a mother abandons her child. The very definition of motherhood is being able to love unconditionally and almost every mother puts the needs of her child above hers.
A mother’s love is unselfish and unconditional. They love without even expecting to be loved in return. Quite often, we take that love and the sacrifices of our mothers for granted but these mothers – Velma Kewley and Babita Tottaram – cannot focus on such a future where they worry about being taken for granted.
The two women are living in the present and are struggling to do so. They would go to the end of the world to just put a meal on the table for their children and they have been doing just that for a while now.
The single mothers currently live in thatched up shanties with their children, struggling to make ends meet.
Kewley currently lives in a squatters’ settlement in Number 65 Village, Corentyne, with her six children. Because of the fact that she lives in a squatting settlement, it means that the basic amenities such as potable water and electricity are not readably available.
Over four months ago, she was forced to leave her husband after suffering years of abuse. To make ends meet, she now sells shrimp but because of the battle against the novel coronavirus (COVID-19), business is basically nonexistent.
The single mother now worries, daily, how she will put the next meal on the table. She has now ventured into the broom-making business, but it is not every day that someone would buy a broom.
“Ah get a lil boy does climb coconut fo me and when he nah able me don’t pressure am because he small,” the 30-year-old mother said while referring to her 11-year-old who would climb the coconut trees so that she can get the branches to make the brooms.
“Ah does buy and sell shrimps on the road. Now people not buying shrimps… you got to pay from you pocket. I really feeling it hard because work ain’t deh right now. When you come out fo sell you bringing back all the load and it can’t keep… it spoil,” Kewley told the Sunday Times Magazine during an interview.
The pregnant woman explained that she sometimes would invest $3000 in shrimp hoping to make a $2000 profit but in recent times, sales have been next to zero. That investment means that if she does not make a return then the chances of her children seeing the next meal becomes bleak.
Kewley got married at the age of 14, and lived in an abusive relationship which brought her five children. The marks that document her abused past are quite visible and the impact they have had on her life is even more damaging. The scars on her head and limbs map the years of abuse she had to endure at the hands of her alcoholic husband.
“He beat me, chop me, ah run from him and ah end up carry him to domestic [Welfare Department]. Domestic [Welfare Department] tell me that he can kill me so me had to make up me mind and make it hard,” she lamented.
After nine years of being constantly kicked about like a rag doll, Kewley decided that enough is enough and left the father of her children. She then became entangled with another man, who she thought was different. However, life tricked her and it was like déjà vu since the situation was no different than her first relationship.
That relationship bore one child and another is on the way.
“Ah tell me self that this can’t make it. I feel to live by myself and with my six children. Taking somebody still don’t make sense. They still ill-treating you. They tek you fo you and don’t like you children,” she said while noting that she is not falling for the trick of another man.
Now, her 15 and 14-year-old sons would assist by collecting fish from the fishing boats at the nearby wharf and she would sell some while using some to prepare meals for the family. While it may not be a substantial amount, she still tries to make sure that it is enough for at least the children to eat.
Kewley noted that the community is without utilities and it is very difficult raising her children as a mother should as she explained some of the challenges confronting her as a single parent.
“Dem na come up too properly…. They getting out of hand. Ah need lil help with dem. The help is not for me but the children. Me done know bout poor life, but the children. I want dem deh lil good,” she said while noting that her children should not have to work as hard as they are and should instead be focusing on becoming educated.
According to Kewley, it is very difficult for the family of seven to sleep comfortably in the house she has been living in for the past ten years.
“Dem does sleep at people house sometimes. When the rain fall, water does come and wet up the place. Ah had to put this cardboard to block up the side deh. The house ah leak. But wha you gon do, dis ah awe we done.”
The woman noted that many nights she has to insist that her elder children sleep at home despite the condition. Kewley said she puts her children first and cannot stand to see any of them being ill-treated but noted that they deserve better.
She has been fighting hard to ensure they get better because she believes they should not be forced to live a life of such hardship.
“My 13-year-old takes care of the baby while I clean houses”
For 33-year-old Babita Tottaram, the reality is that she has to go out to work to provide for her children or they all starve. There is no sugarcoating that fact. It also means that she has to make tough choices which may or may not affect the future of the very children she is struggling to feed.
She lives in the same squatters’ settlement as Kewley. She is the mother of four children and her husband is currently in prison. Him being imprisoned meant that she needed to get out and work or face the reality of her children starving so now she sells shrimp and does domestic work.
“To maintain myself it is very hard. I have to wuk. Sometimes I go to sell shrimp and the shrimp don’t sell. Sometime shrimp nah sell and I does go and do people house wuk and dem get you wuking whole day washing clothes, wiping wall and give me $1000 fo the day but ah still glad fo the $1000 because me ent get nobody fo help me,” she said.
She explained that her eldest son, who is 14 years old, spends most of his time with a neighbour so she does not have to provide, financially, for him.
“It is very hard and tough for me now to mind myself and pickney because my husband done ah jail fo a very long time,” she said.
Tottaram does not even have a washroom which she can use. She uses her neighbour’s since water from the recent rains made her latrine inaccessible.
“The toilet flood inside…water take over am,” she said in her own dialect.
According to Tottaram, when she goes out to do domestic work, her 13-year-old daughter takes care of her 3-year-old sister. She has to make the infant’s porridge and do all the things an adult would have to do to ensure that the toddler is comfortable.
She too depends on the fishermen in the community for unwanted fish to make meals for her children.
Both women remain committed to provide as best as they can for their children and refuse to allow them to be sent to a home.
“That would be heartbreaking,” they said.
