MAY DEATH FIND YOU ALIVE

By Ryhaan Shah

There is a wonderful African saying that goes, “When death finds you, may it find you alive.” Being alive, in this sense, would likely mean that we have lived our best life and are prepared for the inevitable finality.
Famed Italian artist Leonardo da Vinci said, “As a well spent day brings happy sleep, so life well used brings a happy death.”
His life was very well used, and he continues to live on through his most famous work, the iconic Mona Lisa painting. But is there such a thing as a happy death?
At our age, we find ourselves attending the funerals of peers, colleagues and relatives, people who have played some role in our lives and for whom we grieve even as we remember the qualities that will always make them memorable.
It is often said that funeral services and rituals are done for the comfort of the living, for those of us who have to come to terms with the loss of a loved one, and as we grow older, the reminder of our own mortality can sometimes become quite challenging.
The loss of a beloved spouse or partner is often the most difficult to accept and can lead to feelings of loneliness and even impact negatively on our physical and mental health.
While it is normal to feel sad or even lost after someone close to us dies, if the mourning period goes on so long as to become distressing, it can become unhealthy and take a toll on our physical and mental well-being.
While we may want to deal with our grief alone and in quiet solitude, it is important to note that complete withdrawal because of profound sadness is not always the best option at this time. It is best to stay connected with loved ones and your community and don’t refuse professional help if those around you feel it’s necessary.
While some, like da Vinci, may feel they have lived a full life and accept the passing years knowing the finality is a natural conclusion, others experience fear at the idea of dying. Here is where religious faith often helps.
We are a nation of believers, whether we be Hindu, Christian or Muslim, and there is no doubt that a strong spiritual foundation helps us to find peace when facing the idea of dying. Some studies show that such faith, along with prayers, can actually reduce stress, which can do much to help us manage age-related illnesses.
Islam views death as a natural transition from our temporary earthly existence to an eternal afterlife. For believers, the soul is taken in a peaceful separation. This is not so dissimilar to Christian beliefs which also view death not as an end but as a transition to eternal life in God’s presence with promised redemption through belief in the Lord Jesus Christ.
The Hindu belief in reincarnation makes death a transition from one body to another, a transition driven by one’s karma, the ultimate goal being to achieve moksha, which is the liberation from rebirth.
Any such faith helps with anxiety and depression, and as we age, many of us find meaning and purpose by shifting our focus to our spiritual growth and wellbeing. Much of our anxiety, too, is not only about the idea of death but also about how we will die, fearing pain, suffering, and becoming a burden to loved ones.
We all hope for a happy death, a dignified death where we will die peacefully at home. This may not be possible for everyone, especially if we are dealing with serious conditions like cancer or heart disease.
While faith, prayer, and counselling can all help in such situations, we often have to find our own way of coming to terms with our finality. This is not easy for anyone, but being surrounded by loved ones and getting assurances that all will be well with those we leave behind can undoubtedly be a comfort at such a difficult time.
Death, they say, is the great leveller. We may have been a good and caring mother to our children and grandchildren; a Nobel Prize laureate; a scholar, farmer, or janitor – whatever job we held or role we played, it is not, in the end, our social standing or status that is important but how well we lived our life.
This is how we will be remembered, and it would do us well to look at ageing as a gift of years for spiritual and personal growth rather than as a stage for decline.