Satiricus was very upset with his friend Cappo. But being brought up very British (Satiricus was resigned to the fact that ex-colonials like him inherited the good, bad and ugly from the departed “masters”) he couldn’t bring himself to express his displeasure directly. Instead he’d been uttering short, one word, laconic answers – as if he was Gary Cooper – to Cappo’s attempts at humour. Normally he’d be cackling like a satisfied hen who’s been visited by a rooster.
“OK… OK… Sato… me know yuh laang now,” Cappo started out in his inimitable, direct manner. “Wha’ stick in yuh craw?”
“Why do you have to always be making jokes about the KFC and Pee an See government?” Satiricus said truculently. “You know my leaders are the main people there.”
“Budday, w’en yuh leadah dem cyaan get nutten ri’te and dem a distrai dis country, eidah me laaf or me cry,” confessed Cappo to his friend. “An’ yuh know me nah like fuh cry.”
“But it’s the same thing with you always, Cappo,” continued Satiricus heatedly. “You like to jump to conclusions before finding out the facts?” “Suh wha de facks?” demanded Cappo. “Sugah na dead? RICE na dead? Business na dead? An’ na every day abee a find out ’bout wan nex’ big tiefing?”
“But you are looking at effects, Cappo,” said Satiricus pompously. “Do you know the cause?”
“De caaz?” screeched Cappo in a rising voice. “De caaz? Wha’ de arse me bais a ta’k all dis time about? De guvnment na know “B” fram “Bullfoot” how fuh run wan country! Dem only know how fuh t’ief!”
“Cappo, you ever hear about Homeopathy?” asked Satiricus as he leaned over the table.
“Na” replied Cappo. “Wha’ da?”
“It’s a way of treating a disease with remedies that produce effects similar to those caused by the disease itself,” said Satiricus, sounding like a schoolteacher speaking to a slow child.
“Wha’ de arse da mean?” demanded Cappo.
“It mean that KFC leaders – who are the real leaders in the government – are thiefing more to stop thiefing and running down the economy to build it back.”
“Allopaty? Na?” said Cappo, “Like when abee a fight fyaah wid fyaah in de cane fiel’?”
“That’s right, Cappo,” gushed Satiricus. “NOW you understand. Just wait and see how things will grow back from scratch!” “Jus’ like when dem bin bruk up de country de fuss time, na?” Cappo asked.
Satiricus went quite.
