…(crazy) backflips
David Granger’s seventy-five years old – so he shouldn’t be surprised when he does all these backflips, he’ll hurt much more than his back. Like that squeaky-clean image he cultivated since 2011 by kissing babies’ bottoms and dropping on his knees in church pews. Not to mention that inane smirk so reminiscent of Alfred E Neuman from MAD Magazine. If he keeps this up – and he shows no sign of letting up – his name will soon be “mud”. If it isn’t that already!!
But Granger doesn’t care about all that now…and Guyanese better stuff that in their pipes and smoke it. It’s “back to back, belly to belly; ah don’t give a damn, ah done dead a’ready”!! So here it is, ever since March 3rd when they received their SoPs – like every other party and observer – Granger and Co have been shouting to the skies that they won the elections, which were the most orderly ever. And now suddenly, forced into a recount which they resorted to the Courts to stop, the election’s the most corrupted ever – by the PPP? So, the PPP actually rigged the elections to hand the PNC victory??
Now let’s not gloss – or rush – over this point. Did the SoPs in their possession show the PNC won or not? They can’t have it both ways. This isn’t that thought experiment in quantum physics – Schrodinger’s Cat – where the poor cat could be both dead and alive – depending on your perspective!! SoPs are pieces of paper – not quantum particles – with numbers on them that you add up to decide whether you or the PPP got more votes. They didn’t even have to invoke their “half-man” theory!!
They repeated they won even after the world-as-witnesses swore Mingo changed numbers on his copies of Reg 4 SoPs. So, what about the Mingoed numbers that gave them their win – and which Claudette has kept in “abeyance”?? If the ballots were so screwed up at the polling stations in front of all their polling agents by PPP’s serial skulduggeries, how come Mingo got the right numbers?? Wasn’t the recount supposed to verify Mingo’s allegedly pristine numbers??
But the Granger didn’t stop with backflips of the recount. For the longest while, after the Carter Center wasn’t allowed back for the recount, they were all singing Shaggy’s “Wasn’t Me” in acapella. But now Cummings – of “all observers are hereby unaccredited” fame – has confirmed it was Granger who told the US Ambassador “no can do”!!
Finally, to cap it all off, after issuing a statement asserting there were “countless” irregularities, a spokesman still insisted the elections were “credible”.
Your poor Eyewitness’s head’s spinning like that girl’s in “The Exorcist”!!

…satire on its head
If the PNC keeps this up, your Eyewitness gonna definitely be out of a job. He’s supposed to take a satirical look at the news. But how’d you satirise what’s already satire of the highest order. Take this release:
“APNU+AFC sees clear emerging pattern of PPP contamination of the March 2 elections
As the fifth day of the recount process has been completed, clear and unmistakable patterns of irregularities, discrepancies and worse have emerged.

The recount process has uncovered, among other things:
1. Countless instances of dead persons being recorded as voting exclusively in PPP strongholds.
2. Countless instances of persons who have long migrated from Guyana and who were not in Guyana on Election Day being recorded as voting.
3. Countless instances of persons who did not uplift their ID cards from GECOM for many years being recorded as voting in PPP stronghold areas but with no corresponding Oaths of Identity being found in the ballot boxes.
4. Countless instances of unsigned Oaths of Identity in PPP stronghold areas.”
“Countless” instances in a finite count??

…in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned.