Plain speaking

Satiricus was groggy as he stumbled towards the Back Street Bar. As the switch-hitter man for his newspaper, he had to cover the Budget, so this time of the year was a trial for him. Not just the late nights and having to file stories at ungodly hours: it was the stultifying boredom of having to listen to all these droning speeches in Parliament that got him down.
“Hey Sato,” said Cappo effusively as he pushed a beer towards his friend who’d just sat down, “Look like yuh r’ally need wan eye-opena Bai!!”
“I need more than that, fellas,” said Satiricus with a sigh. “I need something to wake up my brain after that fella Gasket!”
“A wha’ de maan duh yuh?” asked Bungi. “”E jus’ tryin’ fuh impress ‘e fader-in-law, yuh know!!”
“I think he probably DEPRESSES his father-in-law!” chuckled Satiricus. “And that poor fella really needs cheering up right now!”
“Well, Volga didn’t do anything to help out in that area!” chuckled Hari. “Prezzie must’ve choked to hear her language, much less what she said!!”
“Na…da na fit and prappa language fuh dem stiff-up people like Grain Ja!” laughed Cappo.
“But me na see wha’ mek all ayou get pan de woman case,” said Bungi, as he finished off his beer in one long gurgle. “She jus’ seh wha abee know dem does talk ‘bout in private!”
“Mout’ open and story jump out!” exclaimed Satiricus. “But some things you just don’t say out in public!”
“It’s a different time, Sato ole friend,” observed Hari. “With all these smart phones that can record and stuff, nothing is private anymore!”
“Even befo’ smart phone, me Nanie use to tell me, mus’ watch wha’ me talk,” said Cappo. “Bush gat ea’s and dutty gat tongue!”
“Well the lady apologise, you know,” pointed out Satiricus. “She’s sorry if she hurt anybody’s feelings!”
“Budday, she na hu’t me feelin!” said Bungi. “Me done get fyaah!”
“But me wanda wha’ yuh ole fr’en’ Nagga Man ah seh when ‘e hear dem na gat wuk fuh KFC people!!” chuckled Cappo. “’E caak duck!!”